It’s funny when you realise that there is a fine line between living and self-destruction. Speeding along between cars late at night- there’s no one to stop me, no one around to see that it wasn’t an accident, if you turned the handlebars on purpose, simply to see what would happen. Sometimes I find myself tempted to put my foot down mid-ride and watch the world flip and terrify itself. If I wanted to, I could implicate a high-speed collision. All it takes is one flick of the wrist. It’s funny how fragile life is on the edge.
A beautiful friend bought for me this notebook they found entitled “21 Days to Change a Habit”. It features spaces to write goals to achieve everyday, with check boxes, and a self-assigned reward for achieving those goals. I thought I would write about the effects of this upon my personal learning and goal maintenance. I also believe that the nature of my assigned rewards will change. Even though the goals may be petty- its interesting to note the effect that small changes have.
This week will begin today, on a Wednesday- and if I can stick to my goals for the rest of the week I will get my reward- just to kick things off.
1// NO SUGAR
2// NO DIET COKE
3// EXERCISE 4 TIMES A WEEK
4// POSITIVE THOUGHTS (3 A DAY)
5// ONE SELFLESS ACT A WEEK
7// TAKE CUTLERY/GLASSES BACK TO KITCHEN (FOR MUMMA)
8// TIDY CLOTHES- DO LAUNDRY
1// One meal of desired food
2// Sugar-free Redbull/Redbull and Vodka
3// One item of clothing
4// One makeup/beauty product
5// Forgive yourself
Perhaps I can post my 3 positive thoughts here… for myself to read.
It’s interesting how a mantra can mean so much to you at a certain point in your life, but mean nothing to you at another. Words which gave you such confidence and inspiration mean nothing in the present context. Maybe they were such a confidence for you because they confirmed your denial and allowed you to remain where you weren’t happy.
It’s funny how most people studying Psychology, especially those who are interested in Clinical Psychology, are mostly pretty emotionally and psychologically damaged. It’s strange that the same thing that attracts people to studying the mind and to seek helping people as a career, is the same thing that causes people to need to be helped.
Does that make someone more able to understand and empathise with the needs of the patient, given that they have experienced or felt something similar in their own lives?
More than half of my classmates are, or have been on antidepressants, have had some kind of drug or eating problem, and have parental conflicts or deaths.
I would not say that people study Psychology in order to figure themselves out, only that the amount of time people with psychological problems spend inside their heads, lends very well to the study of what goes on in there, and how you can help someone else like you do for yourself, or someone did for you.
If soul-mates are supposed to be together, does that mean that your soul-mate will be someone who treats you right? If you’re meant to fight forever to be with that person, are they supposed to fight back? There comes a point where you have to understand that that person either doesn’t want to be with you, or is incapable of being good for you, regardless of the existence of love or how much you know your souls are aligned. It’s such a misguided message to send to people that if you love someone you should stop at nothing to be together. There is a difference between big love and happiness, in some circumstances.
I wonder if the concept of soul-mates encompasses happiness and big love in one neat package? And those experiencing big love without life happiness have not even dipped their foot in the water yet? What happens if you make a life with someone, and you’ve not yet had your serendipitous experience?
I hate to think that I would become jaded at the idea of new love.
I wish to be vulnerable, I wish to crave, and I wish to love again, someday.
It seems that so much of life is about balance. We must balance our work-life and home-life, what we want and what others want, what our body wants and what our mind wants. Without balance, we spin out of control, or become so incredibly boring or self-deprecating that we no longer are living in harmony with ourselves. Balance represents strength, and power, and peace. While it seems it would take more strength to give up drinking, or late night partying to achieve mental and physical health, it in fact takes more strength to enjoy it in appropriate moderation such that you don’t lose yourself in the process. If it’s something that you enjoy, that has a few negative consequences, enjoy it in moderation.
As “the late prophet Bill Hicks” said- "I tried drugs once….and i had a really good time! Never beat anybody, never raped anybody, never robbed anybody, never lost… one fucking job and went about my day…. sorry."
If you live in fear of even experiencing small amounts of what you enjoy, you’re not really living.
Balance is also required in social relationships. How can you live your life purely based upon the desires or needs of another? If you lose yourself- or start guarding your behaviour for the sake of another- you’re not in the relationship that you think you’re in. Friendship or otherwise.
Strength is as much a mental metaphor as it is a physical attribute. Strength to give up your pride, strength to have fun without losing the plot, and strength to live your life the way you see fit. And with strength, comes balance.